Checking in with Colin
The first day of the 2024 curling season arrived and I was once again filled with excited yet nervous emotions.
The weather was warm and the sun was shining, a common start to the long eight to nine-month period that determines the best teams in the world.
The season was ready to take off, teeming with all sorts of possibilities.
But here’s the thing: I wasn’t there.
After retiring at the end of the 2023 season, I couldn’t have been less interested in the sport that I had played for 28 consecutive years. I was burnt out and jaded from being so immersed in curling.
As an athlete I was feeling that I had banged my head against the proverbial wall for over a decade, trying to reach the pinnacle of the sport, chasing after that really big win.
While there was a lot of success along the way—a 12-year-old version of myself would have killed for it—I wasn’t truly fulfilled and felt like a failure.
I had worked hard and also tried to support other teams and athletes through my work as a business owner, and I’d done many things I am proud of.
However, at the end of the day I was feeling exhausted and losing sight of what I was chasing after.
I felt like there was something in my brain always telling me to reach for the next thing, and that is where I would find both success and happiness… just after that next climb up the mountain.
What I’d thought of as that athlete mentality was running in full force, and it just wasn’t sustainable or fulfilling for me any longer. I had to unplug, so I left the sport almost entirely.
Unfortunately, I think this is the reality for many athletes, especially ones that mold their lifestyles around a specific sport. One of the documentaries that really resonated with me was HBO’s The Weight of Gold, which highlights how high level sport performance for extended periods of time can create mental health challenges.
As a serving member on the AthletesCAN Board of Directors, I’ve been fortunate to be in proximity to some of the greatest athletes in the world in both para and able-bodied sports. After countless vulnerable conversations with these brilliant athletes, I was able to reflect deeply on the kinds of pressures that so many unfairly put upon themselves—to be exceptional in sport and ultimately all facets of life.
Many wouldn’t believe this kind of pressure is fair or necessary for others, so why would athletes believe it fair to put upon ourselves?
In August of the 2024 curling season, at the first tour events, I wasn't there, and I was truly at peace with it. I didn’t feel the need to put my body and mind through it anymore. Instead, I was outside with my lovely wife in our northern community of Red Lake, Ontario, doing yard work in a light breeze, taking breaks to pet one of our two mischievous cats—Oliver or Nyx.
I barbequed and finished putting the boat away for the season and yes, I felt excited and nervous for the season to start, but that was the emotional normality that I had developed over my career.
Now having stepped away, after taking time to really reflect and connect to other passions in my life, I’ve also started to fall in love with the game all over again.
I’m sure everyone goes through their own unique thoughts and internal pressures, ups and downs, and moments of doubt and reflection, and not everyone’s journey will sound exactly like mine.
However, I think it is so important to give voice to the pressures we all face and acknowledge, especially on World Mental Health Day, that we all need help sometimes… and that it can be liberating to ask for it.
Therapy with a trained professional has helped me to be kinder to myself and to gain back some of the things that I may have lost along the way, and now I am scaling new mountains.
Everyone needs mental health and I think the more we talk about it, the better things will be.